If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
