All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
