i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
