I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
