nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
