Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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