I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
pray to the hookup gods
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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