I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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