What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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