GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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