I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize