Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My liver just had a heart attack.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize