this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
