Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
