so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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