Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
