New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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