hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
