my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
