I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
