I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
