I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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