Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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