Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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