He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
