omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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