i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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