Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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