look no pants
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
