now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
