I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
