Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
