I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
either way he was missing a nipple.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
