There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
