They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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