Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
