No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize