Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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