You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
honey bunches of taint.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
