I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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