Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We are two peas in an std pod
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
