i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
