so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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