Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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