I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
