I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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