I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
