WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
