no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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