last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
