Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
