Banned from zoo.
Again?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
