Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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