A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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