Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
