the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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