I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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