i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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