A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
