I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
