Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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