my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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