Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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