just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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