it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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