we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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