You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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