I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
