How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
