Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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