Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
