Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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