wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
