I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
