Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everything about him screamed your future.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
