Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
