God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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