did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
