I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
