all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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