I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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