Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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