dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
