I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize